Finn's Journey
by valix33
Summary: A Finn centric fic set post Rachel leaving for New York, leading up to his arrival at her Bushwick apartment four months later. Finn has to find a purpose for his life and learn to believe in himself again, even if he doesn't have Rachel by his side to help him through it.


**I wanted to write this story filling in the blanks from the end of season 3 to Finn's reappearance in season 4. I'm not sure if I'll go all the way into an AU Season 4, but I guess I'll cross that bridge later. Anyway, here's the first part I hope you guys like it. I don't own anything owned by Fox.**

He'd always dreaded the days that he'd have to see her face disappearing from him. And now it was happening. Slowly the train began to pull away, then it gained speed, taking Rachel further away from him by the second. Something in his legs compelled him to move, fast walking at first but then he was running as if somehow he could keep up with it forever, as if he'd run all the way to New York. She had to leave, he knew she did, but that didn't keep him from trying to stop the train taking her away from him. Yet there was nothing he could do when he reached the end of the platform and the train kept going. In a matter of seconds it was gone, and so was she.

There was a period of time, he didn't know if it was seconds or minutes or maybe even hours, that he just stood staring at the space where the train used to be with an overwhelming feeling of numbness washing over him. He was vaguely aware that the entire Glee club was on the platform with him, that all of their eyes had locked onto him as they waited with concern to see his reaction. All at once the tears started to burn his eyes and run down his cheeks and he began to silently sob, his heart leaving his body and speeding away with the train. A hand touched his shoulder and he expected it to belong to Mr. Shue, but when he turned his head he saw the gentle eyes of Kurt standing beside him with a forced smile.

"I know it hurts," he said softly, "and no one's going to tell you you'll get through it eventually, because right now you don't have to. I just didn't want you to think you're alone." Despite his significant difference in size, Finn embraced his stepbrother in a tight hug, which Kurt accepted despite the slight feeling of being smothered.

"She's gone, Kurt," Finn choked out, muffled into Kurt's shoulder. "She's gone and she's not coming back."

"That's not true," replied Kurt. "This is not forever. I promise. It's just for a little while." Finn forced himself to nod, grateful more than ever for his brother who was willing to just let him empty out all his hurt. They both stood there for a little while longer, the rest of the Glee club waiting patiently, before things subsided enough for everyone to start leaving the train station. Everyone managed to hug Finn before leaving, but even the closest of his friends weren't able to take away the weight on his soul that followed him all the way home.

The next several days involved a lot of sitting in his room, just giving himself time to think. Burt and his mom didn't interrupt him much, just to make sure he still came down to eat and to talk to him a couple of times a day. Things moved very slowly, but very fast at the same time. He had to get ready to leave for Georgia, pack what little he was allowed to take, and see everyone that wanted to say goodbye before he was gone for who knows how long. He wasn't sure if it was that or Rachel's departure, but both Burt and Kurt started insisting on spending more time with him in the following days. It did benefit him as well, the more time he spent forcing a smile as he sat through baseball games and movie musicals the more he started to actually feel like he could smile. Of course he'd think of Rachel and then his grin would vanish again, but it was nice to have something to keep him occupied for at least a little while.

Before he knew it, his last morning at home had arrived. His mom was teary eyed from the moment he came downstairs, hugging him every five minutes and crying about how proud she was of him. He knew how much he would miss her, all the football games she'd taken him to and the meals she'd made and the shifts she'd worked to take care of him. His father was on his mind a lot, the one thing that made him sure that he was doing the right thing. They'd decided that Burt would drive him to the train station, probably the only one who could compel himself to go through with it. After a few more minutes of tears and several promises that he would write her as much as he could, the three men stepped outside and his mother's sobs were cut off by the closing door.

"How are you feeling?" asked Kurt. "Scared?"

"A little," Finn confessed, "but I know I'm going to make something of myself. If doing this can make me half the man my dad was, then it's worth it."

"Have you talked to Rachel?"

"Just a couple times, she told me when she got there and how things were going. I sent her a text this morning to let her know I might not be able to talk much for a while, but I think she already knew."

"She'll be okay, you know."

"Yeah, she always is," he responded with a smirk. "It'll be good for both of us. She needed to be in New York. What about you, are you going to be okay?"

"I'll survive," Kurt told him, "at least I'll have a few more months with Blaine and then I can apply for the winter semester. Everything will work out." Burt honked the horn to let both boys know they were running out of time. Kurt put his arms around Finn and whispered, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will." With that, Finn climbed into the passenger seat of Burt's car and watched as Kurt waved goodbye from the front porch.

The train station brought back a lot of memories as he predicted it would, only this time he was the one who was leaving Lima behind, and it was just he and Burt standing on the platform. Burt shook his hand and clapped him on the back, doing his best to remain tough even though Finn could see his jawline quiver a little. He turned away and began making his way toward the train door, but a firm hand spun him around again. Burt gave Finn a tight hug, whispering how proud he was like Finn had always wished his dad could have. Finally they parted, and Finn had run out of reasons to avoid stepping onto the train. As the doors slid closed he took his seat and reminded himself to breathe, so many thoughts running through his head it was deafening. He told himself everything would turn out fine, as it always did before. A train had taken Rachel toward her future, maybe it was time he headed toward his.

 **Yay, Furt moments! Kurt and the other characters probably won't show up again for a while, but I wanted to include that part because I love their brotherly scenes together. Next chapter will pick up after Finn's semi-honorable discharge. Let me know what you thought and if you think I should do just a fill in the blanks or an alternate season 4 as well.**


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